More things that you didn't want to know about SwalesT'shooth
1. Have you ever been in love?
Yes, very.
2. are you in it now?
Yes, very. That is, if by “it,” you are referring to the love mentioned in the above question. If instead you mean “are you in the pit of ravenous bat-winged wolves now?”, then I am afraid my answer is no.
3. Do you have a crush on someone at your school?
Perhaps I do *coughnanotyrannuscough* and perhaps I don’t.
4. If you were a vegetable, what kind would you be?
The kind whose healthcare power of attorney would decide not to prop me up on life support.
5. What are your religious inclinations, if any?
Lapsed Catholic, or something. I prefer not to talk about it. Or, well, I prefer to tell people that I prefer not to talk about it, because in reality if I start talking about it I will turn into the raging politically incorrect and logically defunct bitch from Purgatory. By the way, since when do Catholics no longer believe in Purgatory?!? I totally did not get that Pope-memo!
6. If the world were a sandwich, would everything be better?
Not if there were mayonnaise on the sandwich.
7. If you could meet any person, who would it be (and why)? Deador alive.
I would like to meet Joss Whedon, and kick him hard. That one’s for Wash, you bastard!
8. what turns you on about the oppisite sex (or same sex) morethan anything else?
Opposite sex: Good bone stucture, and glasses. Same sex: Nice boobs, good hair.
9. Does size matter?
Dammit, but has your mom ever brought home a pair of beautiful, functional designer sneakers from the house of the woman she’s helping to relocate, given them to you with the thought that if they fit, you’d have a really kick-ass pair of sneakers for free that would have cost $300 new and it would save her buying you a new pair of good shoes this year, and then you try them on and they DON’T FIT? Yes, goddammit, size matters!
10. What's you favorite subject?
D’ni. Just mention anything that even remotely relates to caverns, books, or freaky ladies with dreadlocks and an affinity for roadrunners, and you’ll have me jabbering on about the importance of Ti’ana’s exclusion from Veovis’ Korfah V’ja for hours.
11. What is your opinion on Paris Hilton?
We stayed at a locally owned and operated hotel while visiting the City of Lights; I know nothing of the Hilton there. I assume it’s a lovely establishment.
12. What college (if any) would you like to attend?UNC-Asheville, if’n you please. Or even if’n you don’t.
13. What's your favorite food?
Hot savory mansteak, like that Professor Bhaer fellow. Rawr.
14. If you had wings, what color would they be?
Probably blackish brown, since they would be the wings of a pteropus giganteous, or Indian Flying Fox.
15. Do you have to be in love with someone? Can't you just be INLOVE?
You can be “in love” with no person upon whom to focus the feeling. I think I existed in that state for a while, until someone came along to be the object of the affection and devotion which had until then been wasted on imaginary characters. Being in love with Nobody is one of the most frustrating feelings in the world.
16. If you could paint the whole world for a single day, wouldyou paint it and how?
I would paint it green and gray and blue, like a forest on a sunny spring day. Not that I’m any kind of a painter capable of recreating a sunny forest.
17. Are you more of an apple, banana, or pear?
My wide childbearing hips would probably suggest the shape of a pear.
18. what is one thing that guys should know about girls in general
This mysterious subspecies can often be identified by their swollen pectoral mammary glands, though overzealous identification of these glands can often result in hostile behavior from the female in question.
19. what the fuck is going on here?
I know, man! Seriously, what the fuck?
20. whats you favorite hair color of the opposite sex.
Red. And I’m allowed to say that, because this brunette’s brown-haired boyfriend likes redheads, too.
21. who likes short short?
Short shorts are stupid. Boy shorts are love.
22. Ninjas or Pirates?
Vampires.
23. Who would win in a swordfight between Tarzan and abusinessman from New York?
Not the stockholders, that’s for sure.
24. has there ever been one moment when you knew your heart wasbroken? if so, when and what was it?
Yes, there was. The world fell apart.
25. How many languages do you speak? (and though it isn't partof the question, what are the languages?)
Three, to some degree: English, Italian, and D’ni.
26. If you could dye your hair any color in the world, eitherpermanently or temporarily, what would it be?
I would dye my hair invisible, so I could comb it stealthily.
27. What single individual is the biggest problem with Americansociety today?
Sport Utility Vehicles whose only “sport” is dropping kids off at soccer practice and whose only “utility” is carrying groceries back from the store. You don’t need a tank to pick up dry cleaning. Don’t even get me started on Hummers—seriously, how small must your penis be if you need a car that big to compensate for it?
28. Hypothetically, if you were to come into possession of a hammer, would you prefer to hammer in the mornin' or in the evenin'? Also, Which would you hammer out first: Danger, or a warning?
I would prefer to hammer in the late afternoon myself, and hammer out the complete works of Emily Dickonson in Morse code.
29. What are your opinions on breakfast food? Good or bad?
Breakfast is a wonderful meal. It is my favorite meal of the day. Waffles are delicious.
30. Where the fuck did you get that banana?!
And the banana… is a wonderful source of potassium.
31. what is the sexiest musical instrument?
The brass section makes me horny.
32. if you had sex with one animal (nonhuman)which one would itbe and why?
It would be a human, because no animal but a parrot would be able to tell me what a little slut I am. And somehow, “SQUAWK! How do you like that, bitch? SQUAWK! Daddy wants a cracker” just doesn’t turn me on.
33. whos your favorite dictator?
Jadis the White Witch, who rules with the power of her insanely ugly hairstyles.
34. Where have all the flowers gone?
Into their states of winter dormancy.
35. when will all the questions end?
Never; there are always more questions to be asked. Once all knowledge in the universe is known, the universe will cease to exist and be replaced by something even more inexplicably implausible and confusing. Of course, that’s probably already happened.
36. whats your favorite melon.
Honeydew’s quite delicious.
37. what is your major goal in life? what do you look forward to most?
I want to publish a novel, and not just publish a novel, but publish a novel and then visit FanFiction.net to find a fascinatingly colorful community dedicated to femmeslashing my main characters. I won’t be successful till I see some slash.
38. does death scare you?
If I think about it, yes. Thinking about anything scares me. Not thinking about things scares me too, but only when I think about not thinking about them.
39. what happened in the most tragic or traumatic time in yourlife?
I wish I could say it was my grandfather’s death, but it wasn’t—that was his time to go, and with all the pain he had been in, it was really for the best that he passed on. Knowing that made the grieving pass quickly. The most traumatic time in my life was the time mentioned in question #24.
40. What do you want?
A backbone. Alternatively, a little whole into which I can crawl to live out the rest of my days.
41. Out of all 52 cards in the deck, which is your favorite?
Five of pentacles. It’s depressing, but beautiful.
42. why do fools fall in love
Well, when a mommy fool and a daddy fool love each other very much, the daddy fool usually forgets his condoms at home, and thus the world’s human population is sustained.
43. why do YOU want to see snakes on a plane!!!!
To learn the most important lesson of airplane safety: if you tamper with the smoke detectors in the washrooms, giant snakes will sink their fangs into your boob job.
44. for how much money would you become a eunuchI would totally give up my penis for ten bucks. Damn thing’s not too useful, seein’ as I’m a woman. I just keep it in a box in the closet these days.
45. if tangst were a drug, what would it be and would you ODing?
Dude, Tangst is a drug already. It’s like a stimulant and a depressant and a hallucinogen all rolled into one, with only half the risk of getting cancer or dying! Nonetheless, I would indeed be dead by overdose.
46. why aren't you not arrogant?
Because I am human, and thus susceptible to the sin of pride.
47. stephen colbert bridge or chuck norris bridge?
In your face, Nikolas Zrigniei!
48. Do you have a significant other? If so, what's your favoritething about him/her?
He won’t let me stay sad, no matter what. Whenever I’m down, he won’t stop talking or hugging or consoling until he knows I’m back up again.
49. how many of these questions did you actually answer
All of them. The question is, how many did I answer truthfully?
Yes, very.
2. are you in it now?
Yes, very. That is, if by “it,” you are referring to the love mentioned in the above question. If instead you mean “are you in the pit of ravenous bat-winged wolves now?”, then I am afraid my answer is no.
3. Do you have a crush on someone at your school?
Perhaps I do *coughnanotyrannuscough* and perhaps I don’t.
4. If you were a vegetable, what kind would you be?
The kind whose healthcare power of attorney would decide not to prop me up on life support.
5. What are your religious inclinations, if any?
Lapsed Catholic, or something. I prefer not to talk about it. Or, well, I prefer to tell people that I prefer not to talk about it, because in reality if I start talking about it I will turn into the raging politically incorrect and logically defunct bitch from Purgatory. By the way, since when do Catholics no longer believe in Purgatory?!? I totally did not get that Pope-memo!
6. If the world were a sandwich, would everything be better?
Not if there were mayonnaise on the sandwich.
7. If you could meet any person, who would it be (and why)? Deador alive.
I would like to meet Joss Whedon, and kick him hard. That one’s for Wash, you bastard!
8. what turns you on about the oppisite sex (or same sex) morethan anything else?
Opposite sex: Good bone stucture, and glasses. Same sex: Nice boobs, good hair.
9. Does size matter?
Dammit, but has your mom ever brought home a pair of beautiful, functional designer sneakers from the house of the woman she’s helping to relocate, given them to you with the thought that if they fit, you’d have a really kick-ass pair of sneakers for free that would have cost $300 new and it would save her buying you a new pair of good shoes this year, and then you try them on and they DON’T FIT? Yes, goddammit, size matters!
10. What's you favorite subject?
D’ni. Just mention anything that even remotely relates to caverns, books, or freaky ladies with dreadlocks and an affinity for roadrunners, and you’ll have me jabbering on about the importance of Ti’ana’s exclusion from Veovis’ Korfah V’ja for hours.
11. What is your opinion on Paris Hilton?
We stayed at a locally owned and operated hotel while visiting the City of Lights; I know nothing of the Hilton there. I assume it’s a lovely establishment.
12. What college (if any) would you like to attend?UNC-Asheville, if’n you please. Or even if’n you don’t.
13. What's your favorite food?
Hot savory mansteak, like that Professor Bhaer fellow. Rawr.
14. If you had wings, what color would they be?
Probably blackish brown, since they would be the wings of a pteropus giganteous, or Indian Flying Fox.
15. Do you have to be in love with someone? Can't you just be INLOVE?
You can be “in love” with no person upon whom to focus the feeling. I think I existed in that state for a while, until someone came along to be the object of the affection and devotion which had until then been wasted on imaginary characters. Being in love with Nobody is one of the most frustrating feelings in the world.
16. If you could paint the whole world for a single day, wouldyou paint it and how?
I would paint it green and gray and blue, like a forest on a sunny spring day. Not that I’m any kind of a painter capable of recreating a sunny forest.
17. Are you more of an apple, banana, or pear?
My wide childbearing hips would probably suggest the shape of a pear.
18. what is one thing that guys should know about girls in general
This mysterious subspecies can often be identified by their swollen pectoral mammary glands, though overzealous identification of these glands can often result in hostile behavior from the female in question.
19. what the fuck is going on here?
I know, man! Seriously, what the fuck?
20. whats you favorite hair color of the opposite sex.
Red. And I’m allowed to say that, because this brunette’s brown-haired boyfriend likes redheads, too.
21. who likes short short?
Short shorts are stupid. Boy shorts are love.
22. Ninjas or Pirates?
Vampires.
23. Who would win in a swordfight between Tarzan and abusinessman from New York?
Not the stockholders, that’s for sure.
24. has there ever been one moment when you knew your heart wasbroken? if so, when and what was it?
Yes, there was. The world fell apart.
25. How many languages do you speak? (and though it isn't partof the question, what are the languages?)
Three, to some degree: English, Italian, and D’ni.
26. If you could dye your hair any color in the world, eitherpermanently or temporarily, what would it be?
I would dye my hair invisible, so I could comb it stealthily.
27. What single individual is the biggest problem with Americansociety today?
Sport Utility Vehicles whose only “sport” is dropping kids off at soccer practice and whose only “utility” is carrying groceries back from the store. You don’t need a tank to pick up dry cleaning. Don’t even get me started on Hummers—seriously, how small must your penis be if you need a car that big to compensate for it?
28. Hypothetically, if you were to come into possession of a hammer, would you prefer to hammer in the mornin' or in the evenin'? Also, Which would you hammer out first: Danger, or a warning?
I would prefer to hammer in the late afternoon myself, and hammer out the complete works of Emily Dickonson in Morse code.
29. What are your opinions on breakfast food? Good or bad?
Breakfast is a wonderful meal. It is my favorite meal of the day. Waffles are delicious.
30. Where the fuck did you get that banana?!
And the banana… is a wonderful source of potassium.
31. what is the sexiest musical instrument?
The brass section makes me horny.
32. if you had sex with one animal (nonhuman)which one would itbe and why?
It would be a human, because no animal but a parrot would be able to tell me what a little slut I am. And somehow, “SQUAWK! How do you like that, bitch? SQUAWK! Daddy wants a cracker” just doesn’t turn me on.
33. whos your favorite dictator?
Jadis the White Witch, who rules with the power of her insanely ugly hairstyles.
34. Where have all the flowers gone?
Into their states of winter dormancy.
35. when will all the questions end?
Never; there are always more questions to be asked. Once all knowledge in the universe is known, the universe will cease to exist and be replaced by something even more inexplicably implausible and confusing. Of course, that’s probably already happened.
36. whats your favorite melon.
Honeydew’s quite delicious.
37. what is your major goal in life? what do you look forward to most?
I want to publish a novel, and not just publish a novel, but publish a novel and then visit FanFiction.net to find a fascinatingly colorful community dedicated to femmeslashing my main characters. I won’t be successful till I see some slash.
38. does death scare you?
If I think about it, yes. Thinking about anything scares me. Not thinking about things scares me too, but only when I think about not thinking about them.
39. what happened in the most tragic or traumatic time in yourlife?
I wish I could say it was my grandfather’s death, but it wasn’t—that was his time to go, and with all the pain he had been in, it was really for the best that he passed on. Knowing that made the grieving pass quickly. The most traumatic time in my life was the time mentioned in question #24.
40. What do you want?
A backbone. Alternatively, a little whole into which I can crawl to live out the rest of my days.
41. Out of all 52 cards in the deck, which is your favorite?
Five of pentacles. It’s depressing, but beautiful.
42. why do fools fall in love
Well, when a mommy fool and a daddy fool love each other very much, the daddy fool usually forgets his condoms at home, and thus the world’s human population is sustained.
43. why do YOU want to see snakes on a plane!!!!
To learn the most important lesson of airplane safety: if you tamper with the smoke detectors in the washrooms, giant snakes will sink their fangs into your boob job.
44. for how much money would you become a eunuchI would totally give up my penis for ten bucks. Damn thing’s not too useful, seein’ as I’m a woman. I just keep it in a box in the closet these days.
45. if tangst were a drug, what would it be and would you ODing?
Dude, Tangst is a drug already. It’s like a stimulant and a depressant and a hallucinogen all rolled into one, with only half the risk of getting cancer or dying! Nonetheless, I would indeed be dead by overdose.
46. why aren't you not arrogant?
Because I am human, and thus susceptible to the sin of pride.
47. stephen colbert bridge or chuck norris bridge?
In your face, Nikolas Zrigniei!
48. Do you have a significant other? If so, what's your favoritething about him/her?
He won’t let me stay sad, no matter what. Whenever I’m down, he won’t stop talking or hugging or consoling until he knows I’m back up again.
49. how many of these questions did you actually answer
All of them. The question is, how many did I answer truthfully?
1 Comments:
13. What's your favorite food?
Hot savory mansteak, like that Professor Bhaer fellow. Rawr.
Oh, god. <3
23. Who would win in a swordfight between Tarzan and abusinessman from New York?
Not the stockholders, that’s for sure.
*dies*
31. what is the sexiest musical instrument?
The brass section makes me horny.
I don't think I can ever speak with you again.
With all that said, you are the best. In fact. :D
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