3AM Revelations Rock My World
A couple days ago, I announced that the 300th post on tangst was fast approaching. As a way of "celebrating," I was planning to write out a post confessing one of my secrets. As the counter ticked away, I started thinking about what exactly it was I'd confess to. It had to be something good; I couldn't just use a cheap cop out post like "I tell lies," or something simplistic like that. It couldn't be a huge secret (I have three at the moment) that would seriously alter my life if they got out to the general public.
Oddly enough, there is one other person who knows all three of those secrets. The first I've been keeping for about five years now. Coincidentally, I've told five people, three within the past 6 months. The second secret I've had for the past three weeks maybe, and I've only told three people. All three learned within the same weekend, but two of the three don't know the first secret. The last big secret isn't terribly important, but I'd like to keep it under wraps because it seriously could screw things up for other people besides me (the first two are totally me-centric). Two people know this one, and I'm pretty damn sure they're going to keep it to themselves. If they don't... well, bad things will happen.
What was I talking about? Oh yes, celebrating the 300th post with a really good secret.
On Thursday, the 300th post went up, and every day since, I've been racking my brain, trying to come up with something. Sadly, it didn't hit me until about ten minutes ago what to write. And now, as I sit here typing away, I've realized I have two options to choose from. Both of which are equally interesting - or not - and both of which I really don't mind talking about.
1) Almost all of the posts already on tangst are my secrets. I started thinking that when I worked on the archives. When I read over the posts, sometimes I can't help but go, "Oh, I could have written that. Probably less eloquently (or with fewer typos), but I definitely could have written that." It's incredibly amazing how similar we all are.
2) My actual secret. The uber special one I chose. This probably should have been placed as #1 since I thought of it first, but I quite past caring right now. It's actually more of a confession than a secret, but because tangst welcomes anything, it works. It was inspired by two of the posts that went up recently on the site. The one about not really wanting to date and the one about anonymity and telling "him" about her feelings after years of silence.
While I was writing my response to the latter about the sad truth of the situation I found myself in earlier this year, I realized that no matter how much I like any guy right now, I would have no idea as to what I'd be doing in a relationship with him. I'd be completely and totally lost. Because no matter what I it is I like about the guy in question, he's got to have the things that I need. Which of course would be the things - traits, skills, etc - that I seriously lack. There's no way I can date anyone if I can't get over my various fears and neuroses that hinder my ability to merely socialize with people. It's weird how these nice revelations always happen to me at 3 in the morning. Pleasant, huh?
A few years ago (like, two or something), I was having a sleepover and we were all bored so we decided to make lists of the traits and qualities that we thought were absolutely necessary in the guys we'd eventually. Afterwards, we made lists of the things we wanted, but didn't need him to have. My needs list ran on for about a page (two columns, bulleted, college-ruled paper). My wants list was considerably shorter (it takes up a quarter of a page). I've got both of them sitting in front of me right now (hooray for being a pack-rat that loves her notebooks). It's rather interesting to look at them and see what's changed over two years.
A few of the items on the needs list make me laugh ("taller - because if he's shorter than me, that's just sad" is literally what I wrote), but what's amazing is the amount of thought I put into making the list itself. Just glancing over the two lists and comparing them, the needs list is more about abilities, inate qualities, and personality traits while the wants list is almost entirely superficial. Analyzing myself further, there are a lot of things I'd cross off both lists now, some that switched from needs to wants, and several items that I'd add. Actually I think I really will redo these lists because they are fun, and something to do, and I'm not tired yet.
But yeah, going back to my original thoughts. Almost all of the things on the needs list are things that either negate my flaws or enhance my strengths. I was pretty wise for a freshman.
Copied from Sonder on 01/15/206.
Oddly enough, there is one other person who knows all three of those secrets. The first I've been keeping for about five years now. Coincidentally, I've told five people, three within the past 6 months. The second secret I've had for the past three weeks maybe, and I've only told three people. All three learned within the same weekend, but two of the three don't know the first secret. The last big secret isn't terribly important, but I'd like to keep it under wraps because it seriously could screw things up for other people besides me (the first two are totally me-centric). Two people know this one, and I'm pretty damn sure they're going to keep it to themselves. If they don't... well, bad things will happen.
What was I talking about? Oh yes, celebrating the 300th post with a really good secret.
On Thursday, the 300th post went up, and every day since, I've been racking my brain, trying to come up with something. Sadly, it didn't hit me until about ten minutes ago what to write. And now, as I sit here typing away, I've realized I have two options to choose from. Both of which are equally interesting - or not - and both of which I really don't mind talking about.
1) Almost all of the posts already on tangst are my secrets. I started thinking that when I worked on the archives. When I read over the posts, sometimes I can't help but go, "Oh, I could have written that. Probably less eloquently (or with fewer typos), but I definitely could have written that." It's incredibly amazing how similar we all are.
2) My actual secret. The uber special one I chose. This probably should have been placed as #1 since I thought of it first, but I quite past caring right now. It's actually more of a confession than a secret, but because tangst welcomes anything, it works. It was inspired by two of the posts that went up recently on the site. The one about not really wanting to date and the one about anonymity and telling "him" about her feelings after years of silence.
While I was writing my response to the latter about the sad truth of the situation I found myself in earlier this year, I realized that no matter how much I like any guy right now, I would have no idea as to what I'd be doing in a relationship with him. I'd be completely and totally lost. Because no matter what I it is I like about the guy in question, he's got to have the things that I need. Which of course would be the things - traits, skills, etc - that I seriously lack. There's no way I can date anyone if I can't get over my various fears and neuroses that hinder my ability to merely socialize with people. It's weird how these nice revelations always happen to me at 3 in the morning. Pleasant, huh?
A few years ago (like, two or something), I was having a sleepover and we were all bored so we decided to make lists of the traits and qualities that we thought were absolutely necessary in the guys we'd eventually. Afterwards, we made lists of the things we wanted, but didn't need him to have. My needs list ran on for about a page (two columns, bulleted, college-ruled paper). My wants list was considerably shorter (it takes up a quarter of a page). I've got both of them sitting in front of me right now (hooray for being a pack-rat that loves her notebooks). It's rather interesting to look at them and see what's changed over two years.
A few of the items on the needs list make me laugh ("taller - because if he's shorter than me, that's just sad" is literally what I wrote), but what's amazing is the amount of thought I put into making the list itself. Just glancing over the two lists and comparing them, the needs list is more about abilities, inate qualities, and personality traits while the wants list is almost entirely superficial. Analyzing myself further, there are a lot of things I'd cross off both lists now, some that switched from needs to wants, and several items that I'd add. Actually I think I really will redo these lists because they are fun, and something to do, and I'm not tired yet.
But yeah, going back to my original thoughts. Almost all of the things on the needs list are things that either negate my flaws or enhance my strengths. I was pretty wise for a freshman.
Copied from Sonder on 01/15/206.
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