Removed Post #43

nice theme!
that is my page: www-franco.blogspot.com

Franco
10:50:17 PM

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Removed Comment #4

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Anonymous
09:33:32 PM

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Admin Q&A

1. Have you ever been in love?

Truly and quite tragically, yes I have been.

2. are you in it now?

I believe so, but I'm not quite sure. It would depend on what exactly love is. Does my heart beat faster and my spirit sing whenever I see her or hear her voice? Absolutely. Will it ever lead anywhere? No, I believe not. She is quite taken.

3. Do you have a crush on someone at your school?

Yes again, but not in the strict romantic meaning of the word. I deeply care for more than a few schoolmates, some of whom I could see myself becoming attached to if the opportunity presented itself.

4. If you were a vegetable, what kind would you be?

One not on life support.

5. What are your religious inclinations, if any?

Religion is a very personal thing, and as such my beliefs do not fit any clearly defined and classically based religion. I believe that there is a higher power, but I won't go any further than that in a questionnaire.

6. If the world were a sandwich, would everything be better?

It would certainly end the world hunger problem.

7. If you could meet any person, who would it be (and why)? Dead or alive.

I would choose to meet myself, five or six years ago, knowing what I know now. I would convince that confused and extremely insecure kid that everything would be okay, and maybe convince him not to make the same mistakes I did. Ah, how my life would be different.

8. what turns you on about the oppisite sex (or same sex) more than anything else?

The uncanny ability they have of making you feel that your existence is worth all the pain and suffering. Just the other day someone was having a serious problem and she came to me because she knew I would listen and help, even if all she needed was to know things were going to turn out all right. Don't know if that made any sense, my meaning kind of got lost in translation I think.

9. Does size matter?

When your jerry-rigged coat hanger is just a few inches shy of reaching the keys you dropped in the gutter, it most certainly does! As for other times, someone once told me that small was ok if you knew how to use it. It was in reference to a four-wheel drive pickup truck, all of you gutter-dwelling minds out there.

10. What's you favorite subject?

I enjoy math the most out of my core subjects. I also enjoy the social political sciences.

11. What is your opinion on Paris Hilton?

I really don't have one. Celebrity gossip is not worth my time.

12. What college (if any) would you like to attend?

The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

13. What's your favorite food?

Penne pasta with sun-dried tomatoes and grilled shrimp in a tomato cream sauce.

14. If you had wings, what color would they be?

Doesn't matter to me, as long as they work. What a joy to be able to fly!

15. Do you have to be in love with someone? Can't you just be IN LOVE?

I guess so. I think I've had times when I felt love but did not have a specific thing or person on which it was focused. But it is too early in the morning for deep self-reflection, so I'll stick with yes.

16. If you could paint the whole world for a single day, would you paint it and how?

No paint. Nature has a distinct beauty all its own.

17. Are you more of an apple, banana, or pear?

Pear. I might come up with an explanation later, but for now I'm going on immediate reaction.

18. what is one thing that guys should know about girls in general

I don't know. I admit that I do not have the female psyche interpreted. Nor am I anywhere close.

19. what the fuck is going on here?

Well, I am writing an answer to your question, so that the users of Tangst can attempt to gain an understanding of exactly who I am or am pretending to be on this particular forum.

20. whats you favorite hair color of the opposite sex.

It depends on the person. If the color fits, wear it. But at the moment I am most attracted to brunettes, with black and blonde tied for second.

21. who likes short short?

Grizzly Purple People Eaters, what a sight to see.

22. Ninjas or Pirates?

72.6178 dB. Ha ha ha ha. We win.

23. Who would win in a swordfight between Tarzan and a businessman from New York?

Well in the movie Tarzan did pretty well against that gun-toting, machete-wielding villain, so I'll place my bet on Tarzan.

24. has there ever been one moment when you knew your heart was broken? if so, when and what was it?

Once, and only once. Since then I have guarded my emotions more carefully, which at times has been a negative reaction. Unfortunately I have neither the time nor the emotional fortitude to discuss the specifics right now. Suffice it to say that I still visit her grave once a month.

25. How many languages do you speak? (and though it isn't part of the question, what are the languages?)

One fluently. As for my second, I know how to say three things; "I speak German not so good," "In the city," and "One more beer, please." Oh well.

26. If you could dye your hair any color in the world, either permanently or temporarily, what would it be?

I can't come up with an answer. I've lived with my current hair color for almost 12 years (my hair color changed naturally when I was about 6) and have grown used to it. The thought of it being anything other than what it is confuses my mind.

27. What single individual is the biggest problem with American society today?

American society has no one to blame but themselves. Rule by the people, for the people.

28. Hypothetically, if you were to come into possession of a hammer, would you prefer to hammer in the mornin' or in the evenin'? Also, Which would you hammer out first: Danger, or a warning?

Well since danger always seems to follow a warning of some kind, I would hope to avoid danger at all costs by refusing to quantify its existence with a warning. And hammer in the morning. Evening is for sleeping.

29. What are your opinions on breakfast food? Good or bad?

Pop-Tarts and breakfast Hot Pockets: Good. The breakfast buffet at Prestonwood Country Club: Excellent. Soggy Branflakes and darkened toast: Not worth getting up for.

30. Where the fuck did you get that banana?!

The produce section of the local Kroger. Amazing selection. You can get yellow bananas, more yellow bananas, or yellow bananas in a bunch! Ah, the triumph of wholesale marketing.

31. what is the sexiest musical instrument?

The F Horn. But the cello is a close second.

32. if you had sex with one animal (nonhuman)which one would it be and why?

I choose to abstain from sexual activity with an animal. It offends my moral sensibilities.

33. whos your favorite dictator?

I liked Hitler, minus the Holocaust. He really was a great leader other than killing the Jews.*

*I believe that I should take this time to firmly state that I am not a supporter of Nazi ideals or the actions taken during the Holocaust. I find mass genocide deplorable and absurdly inappropriate.

34. Where have all the flowers gone?

South for the winter.

35. when will all the questions end?

"Your journey will end with the ending day,
You never again must pass this way."

36. whats your favorite melon.

Watermelon I suppose. Never really cared for any member of the melon family.

37. what is your major goal in life? what do you look forward to most?

At the risk of sounding totally cliche, my major goal is to succeed and to look back in 60 or 70 years and see a life lived without regrets. Seriously.

38. does death scare you?

Not in the slightest. What is the point in being scared of the inevitable. As Albus Dumbledore said, "Death is but the next great adventure."

39. what happened in the most tragic or traumatic time in your life?

See #24

40. What do you want?

Too many things to fit in this blog response.

41. Out of all 52 cards in the deck, which is your favorite?

"Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy,
She'll beat you if she's able.
But the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet."

42. why do fools fall in love

Because fools have nothing to fear, and therefore nothing to lose. I think I've heard that before, so please excuse me if I fail to put quotation marks around the words of some immensely famous person.

43. why do YOU want to see snakes on a plane!!!!

Because Pulse was a complete letdown.

44. for how much money would you become a eunuch

There is not enough in the WORLD.

45. if tangst were a drug, what would it be and would you ODing?

In case you haven't noticed, Tangst IS a drug so it does not need to become another established one. I would not OD, because my frequent and extended lapses prevent me from building tolerance.

46. why aren't you not arrogant?

"I like mine with lettuce and tomato,
Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes.
Dill kosher pickle and a cold draft beer,
Good God Almighty which way do I steer?"

47. stephen colbert bridge or chuck norris bridge?

Chuck Norris doesn't need a bridge. He snaps his fingers and the water gets out of his way.

48. Do you have a significant other? If so, what's your favorite thing about him/her?

No, I do not currently have a significant other.

49. how many of these questions did you actually answer

All of them, as truthfully as I could at this ungodly hour.

Nanotyrannus All Over Again

1. Have you ever been in love?
Yes.

2. are you in it now?
With life? Yes. With any particular part of it or person in it? No.

3. Do you have a crush on someone at your school?
There’s a difference between having a crush on someone and wanting to have mad lesbian sex with someone.

4. If you were a vegetable, what kind would you be?
If only a pomegranate were a vegetable. Alas. Due to that unfortunate fact, the answer to this question is: a beet.

5. What are your religious inclinations, if any?
I’m Jewish in terms of culture, but in terms of actual religious beliefs…that’s sketchy as of yet.

6. If the world were a sandwich, would everything be better?
What on earth would make you think that?

7. If you could meet any person, who would it be (and why)? Dead
or alive.
Boris Pasternak. He seems like a pretty cool guy and I’d just want to hang out with him and drink tea and chat about life, writing, love, the universe, music, etc.

8. what turns you on about the opposite sex (or same sex) more
than anything else?
A wickedly deep mind. And nice hands.

9. Does size matter?
I suppose in some way it does. The question is much to vague for my answer to be any more specific

10. What's you favorite subject?
I am such a nerd that I love all learning in general, though I’m partial to the natural sciences and creative writing.

11. What is your opinion on Paris Hilton?
Paris Hilton does indeed exist.

12. What college (if any) would you like to attend?
I’d like to get a Yale. Yes, I’m an unashamed elitist, if you were asking.

13. What's your favorite food?
Pomegranates. Or Chinese food. Or homemade matzah ball soup. Or dark chocolate. It’s so hard to choose among so much good food in the world.

14. If you had wings, what color would they be?
They would blend in with my surroundings and provide camouflage. I can’t give you a specific color (I guess they would be Enloe-colored…but then what would happen when I came home?)

15. Do you have to be in love with someone? Can't you just be IN
LOVE?
You have to at least be in love with something, if only because I do not yet know of an intransitive form of the verb “to love” in Russian, so in Russian you must love someone or something. And if the Russians say that it is so, then it must be true.

16. If you could paint the whole world for a single day, would
you paint it and how?
I would not paint the world. It is far too beautiful to cover with paint.

17. Are you more of an apple, banana, or pear?
I am more of an Asian pear, which is sort of a cross between an apple and a pear. It is very tasty, almost as tasty as a pomegranate.

18. what is one thing that guys should know about girls in general
Not all of us are China dolls. Just because we like to dress up does not mean that we are delicate.

19. What the fuck is going on here?
Does it truly matter?

20. What’s you favorite hair color of the opposite sex.
Whatever color fits best with the rest of the person.
PS: What’s up with the lack of a question mark?

21. Who likes short short?
Haven’t the foggiest.

22. Ninjas or Pirates?
Ninjas, of course. But it’s a stupid question. A much better question would be: Ninjas or KGB Officers? I’d have a much harder time choosing between those two.

23. Who would win in a swordfight between Tarzan and a
businessman from New York?
Tarzan. He’d be in much better physical shape than the businessman, so even if he didn’t know how to use a sword he’d just generally pwn the businessman.

24. Has there ever been one moment when you knew your heart was
broken? if so, when and what was it?
No.

25. How many languages do you speak? (and though it isn't part
of the question, what are the languages?)
I speak one language fluently. I imagine that you can guess what language that is. Currently I am working on becoming fluent in Russian and Chinese, but both are going nowhere fast.

26. If you could dye your hair any color in the world, either
permanently or temporarily, what would it be?
I’m really not interested in screwing with my body. I like it the way that it is.

27. What single individual is the biggest problem with American
society today?
Nobody. Society by it’s nature is ruled by the masses, and therefore no single person is responsible for what is wrong with American society today.

28. Hypothetically, if you were to come into possession of a
hammer, would you prefer to hammer in the mornin' or in the evenin'?
Also, Which would you hammer out first: Danger, or a warning?
I’d hammer in the mornin’. And actually, I’d prefer to hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land.

29. What are your opinions on breakfast food? Good or bad?
It’s good, I guess, but I find the choices rather boring when compared to all the other kinds of food.

30. Where the fuck did you get that banana?!
Guatemala? I don’t know. Where do bananas come from?

31. what is the sexiest musical instrument?
I’m biased, I know, but I’d have to say the cello. You put the curves between your legs, you run your fingers up and down its neck, and if you were male, you could play it naked and not get sued for indecent exposure (If you were female and didn’t mind playing with the cello held a little high, you could probably get away with it as well). And it’s got a really low, beautiful sound.

32. if you had sex with one animal (nonhuman)which one would it
be and why?
I’d be celibate. The idea is just that distasteful.

33. Who’s your favorite dictator?
I do have a certain fondness for Chairman Mao. He reminds me of cats.

34. Where have all the flowers gone?
They’ve gone the way of ‘60’s folk singers.

35. when will all the questions end?
Questions are what get people research grants. If you are a scientist and you run out of questions, according to Mr. O, you run out of a job. Therefore, the questions will never end.

36. what’s your favorite melon.
I don’t really have one, seeing as the pomegranate is not a melon. Cantaloupe, I guess?

37. what is your major goal in life? what do you look forward to
most?
My major goal in life is to be happy. I most look forward to love.

38. does death scare you?
Rationally, no. When I really think about it then it doesn’t scare me. Deep in a subconscious level of my brain, though, I’m scared as hell.

39. what happened in the most tragic or traumatic time in your
life?
Nothing. I’ve lived a charmed life thus far.

40. What do you want?
Happiness. A pomegranate wouldn’t be bad either.

41. Out of all 52 cards in the deck, which is your favorite?
The three of diamonds

42. why do fools fall in love
Because not-fools fall in love too, and fools don’t like to be excluded.

43. why do YOU want to see snakes on a plane!!!!
Again, distinct lack of a question mark. I want to see it in order to laugh.

44. for how much money would you become a eunuch
This question is not applicable.

45. if tangst were a drug, what would it be and would you ODing?
I wouldn’t OD, but I suppose that Tangst would be heroin for me. Don’t really know why.

46. why aren't you not arrogant?
Because I want to go to Yale. Or wait, do I want to go to Yale because I’m arrogant? I don’t know. I am and I do, either way.

47. stephen colbert bridge or chuck norris bridge?
Huh?

48. Do you have a significant other? If so, what's your favorite
thing about him/her?
No

49. how many of these questions did you actually answer
Forty-six and a half, I believe. I may have miscounted.

Hannah's 49-question monstrosity

1. Have you ever been in love?

I suppose I have a special story to tell about this one. You see, guys, when I went to camp this summer, it wasn't just all music, all the time. Well, I mean, it very nearly was--nine hours of flute a day ain't nothin' at which to sneeze--but you have to admit: scales and arpeggios weren't the only things that brightened my day. No, out in the wild woods of Michigan, surrounded by the romantic mirror-like lakes and freshly-scented pine trees, there was something else that made my heart sing. It was glorious. Wonderful. Bittersweet only because I knew each moment could not last.

I'll admit it; I'm obsessed. But, man, did it make my day when there was tapioca pudding in the cafeteria line. :D

(No, for serious--I think I consumed my body weight in that stuff this summer. Yum.)

2. are you in it now?

Hellz, yeah. Wait, what was the question? . . . I just had a sudden urge to answer one of these with "hellz, yeah"

3. Do you have a crush on someone at your school?

Secretly, I want into Swalest'Shooth's pants. But, shhh. Don't tell anyone!

4. If you were a vegetable, what kind would you be?

An avacodo. Mmmm. Besides the fact that they are delicious, filling out college applications makes me feel a bit as if I'm being made into guacamole.

5. What are your religious inclinations, if any?

Jedi Knight.

(In all seriousness, that's about as close to any religion I'd get--I'm pretty atheistic.)

6. If the world were a sandwich, would everything be
better?

Hellz no.

7. If you could meet any person, who would it be (and why)? Dead
or alive.

Eww. I totally think I have to answer this for my Boston University application. And I still can't think of anything to write there better than "Ronald McDonald."

8. what turns you on about the oppisite sex (or same sex) more
than anything else?

Hellz--wait . . .

9. Does size matter?

Of course! Big bowl of tapioca > small bowl of tapioca.

10. What's you favorite subject?

Independent study. Bitches.

11. What is your opinion on Paris Hilton?

Who? >.<

12. What college (if any) would you like to attend?

UNC (if nowhere else lets me in with enough financial aid and they get a better flute program and I get the Morehead and the free laptop that comes with the Morehead and if Chapel Hill suddenly relocates about five hundred miles in any direction--including East, which would, admittedly, make for a pretty interesting college experience--and therefore is not within 45-minutes' driving distance of my house. And if my parents would ever forgive me for becoming a tarheel. x_x)

Conversely, I'm also looking at Boston University, Indiana University, NYU, and Hogwarts.

13. What's your favorite food?

I really like noodles. And sushi. And krispy kreme doughnuts. And tapioca pudding. And tacos and chili and biscuits and chicken sandwiches with lettuce and pizza and mushrooms and mashed potatoes and curry. Not all at once.

14. If you had wings, what color would they be?

Blue. Good lord, everything I own is blue--it's really sad. I've gone to two formal dances in dark blue dresses. I went shopping with some people the other day and Tinted, out of instinct, kept pointing to indigo-shaded items. I'm so predictable.

15. Do you have to be in love with someone? Can't you just be IN
LOVE?

Well, you don't have to be all-caps with someone. You certainly can just be ALL CAPS.

16. If you could paint the whole world for a single day, would
you paint it and how?

I'll let you guess this one. But it's a primary color--and not yellow or red.

17. Are you more of an apple, banana, or pear?

I really hate bananas with a passion.

18. what is one thing that guys should know about girls in
general

That girls rule, and boys drool. *sticks out tongue*

19. what the fuck is going on here?

I sure as hell don't know. Do you?

20. whats you favorite hair color of the opposite sex.

Mmmmmm.

21. who likes short short?

Um, I am kinda "short short." I'm, like, 5'3".

22. Ninjas or Pirates?

OH SEVEN.

23. Who would win in a swordfight between Tarzan and a
businessman from New York?

Depends who's directing! (Ha! Ha! fencing joke!)

24. has there ever been one moment when you knew your heart was
broken? if so, when and what was it?

Okay, so this one time (at band camp, yeah, yeah, I know), I saw something white and lumpy-looking in a bowl in the dessert section of the cafeteria. I raced to it, heart pounding, dragging my plastic tray along the metal railing, elbowing my way past polo-shirted campers. It was there, within reach; I grabbed for the serving spoon--

And it was cottage cheese.

25. How many languages do you speak? (and though it isn't part
of the question, what are the languages?)

Fluently? None--I mistook the word "cupboard" for "prison" the other day, and regularly say things like "I eh glorchsnazch." But only when my mouth is full. :)

I do dabble a bit in English, French, and Tolkien's Elvish. Chyeah.

26. If you could dye your hair any color in the world, either
permanently or temporarily, what would it be?

Mmmm, didn't someone ask this last time? Or was that skin? Either way, I might go for orange.

27. What single individual is the biggest problem with American
society today?

Probably me. :)

28. Hypothetically, if you were to come into possession of a
hammer, would you prefer to hammer in the mornin' or in the evenin'?
Also, Which would you hammer out first: Danger, or a warning?

I'd hit my thumb, first.

29. What are your opinions on breakfast food? Good or bad?

I will, in fact, eat almost anything.

30. Where the fuck did you get that banana?!

Bananas are like stoplights . . . Green means go, yellow means slow down, and red means . . .

31. what is the sexiest musical instrument?

Flutes are the prettiest section! (though I must advocate slightly for the virtues of the clarinet.)

32. if you had sex with one animal (nonhuman)which one would it
be and why?

A cockroach. At least, then, I guess I could pretend it was Kafka.

33. whos your favorite dictator?

Sithgirl.

34. Where have all the flowers gone?

Oh, god, wasn't this the name of a movie? Or a book? I am so artistically illiterate.

. . .

Okay, it was driving me mad; I had to google it. A song? What?

35. when will all the questions end?

49. (okay, I peeked.)

36. whats your favorite melon.

A mellaphone.

37. what is your major goal in life? what do you look forward to
most?

a) grow tentacles
b) Joel Martin

38. does death scare you?

Hellz--er, hm, perhaps I shouldn't preface a "death"-based question with that . . .

39. what happened in the most tragic or traumatic time in your
life?

Well, this morning, I poured an egg white on my face because I'd read somewhere it was supposed to "draw out impurities" from your skin. Unbeknownst to me, the way in which this simple chemistry worked was that, in drying, the egg white drew out everything from my face--into an erect forward position that made me look as if my lips, nose, eyelids, and eyebrows were being sucked into a vacuum cleaner.

40. What do you want?

T' get these mutha-fuckin' snakes offa this mutha'-fuckin plane.

41. Out of all 52 cards in the deck, which is your
favorite?

The two of--anything. God, am I addicted to "scum!"

42. why do fools fall in love

Hormones.

43. why do YOU want to see snakes on a plane!!!!

DO I EVEN NEED A REASON?

44. for how much money would you become a eunuch

Wouldn't happen.

If you offered me some food, however. . . . (Hm. perhaps it is somewhat obvious by now that I am a food whore.)

45. if tangst were a drug, what would it be and would you
ODing?

I learned in Health Class that that sort of thing is a High Risk Activity. : O

46. why aren't you not arrogant?

Ow. The double negatives. My brain.

47. stephen colbert bridge or chuck norris bridge?

Yo' momma.

48. Do you have a significant other? If so, what's your favorite
thing about him/her?

Yes. The fact that he doesn't read anything people post here. :D

49. how many of these questions did you actually answer

Good lord. Done!

More things that you didn't want to know about SwalesT'shooth

1. Have you ever been in love?
Yes, very.

2. are you in it now?
Yes, very. That is, if by “it,” you are referring to the love mentioned in the above question. If instead you mean “are you in the pit of ravenous bat-winged wolves now?”, then I am afraid my answer is no.

3. Do you have a crush on someone at your school?
Perhaps I do *coughnanotyrannuscough* and perhaps I don’t.

4. If you were a vegetable, what kind would you be?
The kind whose healthcare power of attorney would decide not to prop me up on life support.

5. What are your religious inclinations, if any?
Lapsed Catholic, or something. I prefer not to talk about it. Or, well, I prefer to tell people that I prefer not to talk about it, because in reality if I start talking about it I will turn into the raging politically incorrect and logically defunct bitch from Purgatory. By the way, since when do Catholics no longer believe in Purgatory?!? I totally did not get that Pope-memo!

6. If the world were a sandwich, would everything be better?
Not if there were mayonnaise on the sandwich.

7. If you could meet any person, who would it be (and why)? Deador alive.
I would like to meet Joss Whedon, and kick him hard. That one’s for Wash, you bastard!

8. what turns you on about the oppisite sex (or same sex) morethan anything else?
Opposite sex: Good bone stucture, and glasses. Same sex: Nice boobs, good hair.

9. Does size matter?
Dammit, but has your mom ever brought home a pair of beautiful, functional designer sneakers from the house of the woman she’s helping to relocate, given them to you with the thought that if they fit, you’d have a really kick-ass pair of sneakers for free that would have cost $300 new and it would save her buying you a new pair of good shoes this year, and then you try them on and they DON’T FIT? Yes, goddammit, size matters!

10. What's you favorite subject?
D’ni. Just mention anything that even remotely relates to caverns, books, or freaky ladies with dreadlocks and an affinity for roadrunners, and you’ll have me jabbering on about the importance of Ti’ana’s exclusion from Veovis’ Korfah V’ja for hours.

11. What is your opinion on Paris Hilton?
We stayed at a locally owned and operated hotel while visiting the City of Lights; I know nothing of the Hilton there. I assume it’s a lovely establishment.

12. What college (if any) would you like to attend?UNC-Asheville, if’n you please. Or even if’n you don’t.

13. What's your favorite food?
Hot savory mansteak, like that Professor Bhaer fellow. Rawr.

14. If you had wings, what color would they be?
Probably blackish brown, since they would be the wings of a pteropus giganteous, or Indian Flying Fox.

15. Do you have to be in love with someone? Can't you just be INLOVE?
You can be “in love” with no person upon whom to focus the feeling. I think I existed in that state for a while, until someone came along to be the object of the affection and devotion which had until then been wasted on imaginary characters. Being in love with Nobody is one of the most frustrating feelings in the world.

16. If you could paint the whole world for a single day, wouldyou paint it and how?
I would paint it green and gray and blue, like a forest on a sunny spring day. Not that I’m any kind of a painter capable of recreating a sunny forest.

17. Are you more of an apple, banana, or pear?
My wide childbearing hips would probably suggest the shape of a pear.

18. what is one thing that guys should know about girls in general
This mysterious subspecies can often be identified by their swollen pectoral mammary glands, though overzealous identification of these glands can often result in hostile behavior from the female in question.

19. what the fuck is going on here?
I know, man! Seriously, what the fuck?

20. whats you favorite hair color of the opposite sex.
Red. And I’m allowed to say that, because this brunette’s brown-haired boyfriend likes redheads, too.

21. who likes short short?
Short shorts are stupid. Boy shorts are love.

22. Ninjas or Pirates?
Vampires.

23. Who would win in a swordfight between Tarzan and abusinessman from New York?
Not the stockholders, that’s for sure.

24. has there ever been one moment when you knew your heart wasbroken? if so, when and what was it?
Yes, there was. The world fell apart.

25. How many languages do you speak? (and though it isn't partof the question, what are the languages?)
Three, to some degree: English, Italian, and D’ni.

26. If you could dye your hair any color in the world, eitherpermanently or temporarily, what would it be?
I would dye my hair invisible, so I could comb it stealthily.

27. What single individual is the biggest problem with Americansociety today?
Sport Utility Vehicles whose only “sport” is dropping kids off at soccer practice and whose only “utility” is carrying groceries back from the store. You don’t need a tank to pick up dry cleaning. Don’t even get me started on Hummers—seriously, how small must your penis be if you need a car that big to compensate for it?

28. Hypothetically, if you were to come into possession of a hammer, would you prefer to hammer in the mornin' or in the evenin'? Also, Which would you hammer out first: Danger, or a warning?
I would prefer to hammer in the late afternoon myself, and hammer out the complete works of Emily Dickonson in Morse code.

29. What are your opinions on breakfast food? Good or bad?
Breakfast is a wonderful meal. It is my favorite meal of the day. Waffles are delicious.

30. Where the fuck did you get that banana?!
And the banana… is a wonderful source of potassium.

31. what is the sexiest musical instrument?
The brass section makes me horny.

32. if you had sex with one animal (nonhuman)which one would itbe and why?
It would be a human, because no animal but a parrot would be able to tell me what a little slut I am. And somehow, “SQUAWK! How do you like that, bitch? SQUAWK! Daddy wants a cracker” just doesn’t turn me on.

33. whos your favorite dictator?
Jadis the White Witch, who rules with the power of her insanely ugly hairstyles.

34. Where have all the flowers gone?
Into their states of winter dormancy.

35. when will all the questions end?
Never; there are always more questions to be asked. Once all knowledge in the universe is known, the universe will cease to exist and be replaced by something even more inexplicably implausible and confusing. Of course, that’s probably already happened.

36. whats your favorite melon.
Honeydew’s quite delicious.

37. what is your major goal in life? what do you look forward to most?
I want to publish a novel, and not just publish a novel, but publish a novel and then visit FanFiction.net to find a fascinatingly colorful community dedicated to femmeslashing my main characters. I won’t be successful till I see some slash.

38. does death scare you?
If I think about it, yes. Thinking about anything scares me. Not thinking about things scares me too, but only when I think about not thinking about them.

39. what happened in the most tragic or traumatic time in yourlife?
I wish I could say it was my grandfather’s death, but it wasn’t—that was his time to go, and with all the pain he had been in, it was really for the best that he passed on. Knowing that made the grieving pass quickly. The most traumatic time in my life was the time mentioned in question #24.

40. What do you want?
A backbone. Alternatively, a little whole into which I can crawl to live out the rest of my days.

41. Out of all 52 cards in the deck, which is your favorite?
Five of pentacles. It’s depressing, but beautiful.

42. why do fools fall in love
Well, when a mommy fool and a daddy fool love each other very much, the daddy fool usually forgets his condoms at home, and thus the world’s human population is sustained.

43. why do YOU want to see snakes on a plane!!!!
To learn the most important lesson of airplane safety: if you tamper with the smoke detectors in the washrooms, giant snakes will sink their fangs into your boob job.

44. for how much money would you become a eunuchI would totally give up my penis for ten bucks. Damn thing’s not too useful, seein’ as I’m a woman. I just keep it in a box in the closet these days.

45. if tangst were a drug, what would it be and would you ODing?
Dude, Tangst is a drug already. It’s like a stimulant and a depressant and a hallucinogen all rolled into one, with only half the risk of getting cancer or dying! Nonetheless, I would indeed be dead by overdose.

46. why aren't you not arrogant?
Because I am human, and thus susceptible to the sin of pride.

47. stephen colbert bridge or chuck norris bridge?
In your face, Nikolas Zrigniei!

48. Do you have a significant other? If so, what's your favoritething about him/her?
He won’t let me stay sad, no matter what. Whenever I’m down, he won’t stop talking or hugging or consoling until he knows I’m back up again.

49. how many of these questions did you actually answer
All of them. The question is, how many did I answer truthfully?